i'm not perfect

today was not good.

it's really difficult to not be effected by what people say or do to you.

you always hear to never base your happiness off of other people,

but most times out of others it's their fault.

or possible just your outlook and view on the situation.

people in my life are the most important thing.

i always put my social life before anything else,

because to me that is most important.

everyone exists for everyone else,

and everything else should be moved aside.

i've had a bad couple of days.

everyone has them, no matter how much they try to make them better.

i have learned a lot about myself.

usually more than other times, i think more of a person than they think of me,

and because of that, i usually freak them out.

for example, i tell them my problems, and they don't fully understand me enough to give appropriate advice. or choose to only see that side of me.

It's not even that serious of problems, just something enough for them to back off.

what do i do?

from now on, i am keeping everything to myself (this might get dangerous)

but i feel that since everyone i've recently talked to doesn't give a crap,

and i'm not benefiting from this at all, that it's better to keep things to myself

and get over it alone, so that i don't bother other people and try to mend what i have left.

i honestly just feel like no one cares.

this may be a bit dramatic, but ive had some recent events to really make me feel like this.

all i ask, is for you, if you do, to simply let me know you care.

if it's just "jeanette, i care" thats enough.

i feel bad asking for this, but my vision on things have been off.

i've thought people have cared when they actually haven't.

this may not be a humble request, but i honestly want to know.

if you were wondering at all, i care about you.

i do. even if i don't always smile at you or i haven't talked to you in awhile.

i honestly care about how you feel.

if you feel a certain way and think everyone will think youre ridiculous,

i won't.

call me up and just let it out.

im here for you.

as i said, you're first on my list.

Keep Calm & Carry On

i would love this. {birthday?}

much love,

j.

For My Birthday

Jeanette Day is official in 74 days!

which is close enough to blog about, in my opinion

besides this adorable thing...

I would like

world peace.

but that's a big big big present.

Realistically speaking,

-all of these which made me squeel a lot.

-a gorgeous Nikon D60

-to see as many of my amazing friends as i can in one day!

-a kiss and hug from cillian murphy {still too far fetched}

-any, absolutely ANY of these, please. (specifically) [i already have the heart locket, just so you know]

-these are extremely cute, too.

-these TOMS are pretty bangin' (i wear size 8)

____________________________________

What i want more than anything though, is to either see, hear from, get a call from, spend some time with, or have some sort of communication with YOU.

that's the best thing i could ever ask for.

much love,

j.

bliss

photoshoot pictures now on facebook!

a poem

Last year in u.s. history we were learning about Emmitt Till.

{read the link first if you don't know it}

here's the poem i wrote:

Emmitt's Shoes

I had been with Emmitt for a year before the incident, and i had no idea that anything like this would happen.

i was with Emmitt and his cousins.

i walked into that store.

i heard Emmitt laughing and i hear him say those two innocent words.

i helped him run away to get back to his uncle's.

where he thought he got away from it.

i was on his feet when those knocks shook the house.

i was dragged on the ground and down the stairs.

i heard the terror in Emmitt's cries.

i was there when Emmitt's face was turned inside out.

i sat there unable to stop it all, unable to prevent such a terrible thing.

i was there when his body floated head first down the river.

i was there when he lay still innocent but unrecognizable in his casket.

i'm still there underground with his innocent body slowly fading away, but never forgotten.

I just called 911

Before you freak out anymore, here's what happened.

I was driving home blasting my beats, and noticed the car in front of me swirving in an extremely dangerous way. First of all, car crashes are extremely damaging. Freshman year i had a near death experience because of a drunk driver, so i absolutely absolutely hate them. Anyways, so i was trying to decide what to do. Either to honk at them (but i also thought they could possibly be more dangerous because of that) or call the police. I picked up my phone and got to the keypad, pressed 911 and let it ring. It was very intense, probably not as intense as people who usually call that number, though. A man picked up, i told him in exact words "I was just driving and a car in front of me was swirving bad! The license plate was..." and i freaked out because i was sure i forgot it but it magically came back in my mind. I told him about it, where i was when i saw it and the kind of car. He thanked me and said they'd try to get someone to find it.

I'm relieved, but not completely.

It's possible that it could be too late for some other passing car. That thought scares me so much.

those possible innocent people. what if i know them?

oh no.

I'm also glad i called because i could possibly have stopped something before it happens.

It is so important to think of others when we make decisions. If you choose to drink and drive, you could kill innocent people, kids, family members, brothers, sisters of other people who will forever be effected by your mistake.

What if you are effected by the mistakes of others? What if it's your friend who becomes victim?

What if it's your fault that theres a missing spot at the table because of your selfish decision?

If i ever want to lecture anyone about anything, it would be drunk driving. (if you haven't noticed)

Please for everyones sake, including yours think about your decisions before you make them.

Always think of others, especially in your decisions.

If you see anyone driving dangerously, do as i did and call that number, before you regret.

Not relating to this at all...

I'm extremely excited for halloween. I can't wait for fall. I can't wait for jackets and scarves and uggs.

Except for not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, you know that feeling. Getting out of my warm bed in fall/winter is torture. Especially waking up at six every morning.

Here's our front door.

i hope this makes you crave it even more. maybe even as much as me.

Remember:

never ever drink and drive. or text and drive. or get distracted while driving.

& for your sake and mine, from now on i will not dance and drive ever again. {thats for you Nick}

Also, always always think of others before you make decisions.

Much love,

j.

p.s. i just had the most amazing photoshoot with austin simmons. he is the best.

here's a sampler: http://confiningmychaos.com/2010/09/05/jeanette-kosorok-senior-pictures/

i'll post more when he finishes editing. He is amazing to work with, affordable and so worth it.

Remmy

The bad things started happening last wednesday. I noticed a couple days before then that remmy was always sleeping, but i didn't think much of it because gerbils usually sleep throughout the day. Wednesday night i decided to check up on her. I lifted up the hut she was sleeping in and found an extremely tiny, limping horrifically, remmy. I instantly began balling. Both of my parents were already there and my dad suggested that we take her to the vet the following day. I got picked up from school early thursday. I was calm, positive and prepared for anything. We got to the vet and the examined her tiny self. The doctor diagnosed that it was either an ear infection or a brain tumor; he gave her meds and we left. I was extremely happy with this, because before i thought that there would be no way out, but there was a better possible outcome than the worst. I began to treat her twice daily and watched her constantly. She seemed to get better until yesterday (sunday) when she didn't eat anything and seemed to not move all that much. I decided to hold her on me for awhile. That was the last time. I spent the night at kendra's and woke up to a text from my mom saying that she died. I came home and we buried her after we said some words about her.

Love can be found in all measures. When i first learned about remmy's issues i told some of my closest friends. To many of them i'm sure they didn't understand why i was so sad over such a small thing, but they realized it meant a lot to me and they cared about how i felt. Remmy may be small, but i loved her. She was complete happiness to me.

{Here is my absolutely favorite picture of her.}

{yesterday. holding her while she slowly faded away.}

{Her twice daily's}

This afternoon, i went to petco and got another gerbil. Because my other one (gemma) can't be alone. They only had boys, so we might have some babies eventually.

I named him...

Oakley!

{on the way home}

{he's extremely tiny}

When i think about it, i don't care about how many people think it's ridiculous to care so much for a tiny thing, because love is love. no matter how small something may be.

much love,

j.

new!

hello!
I haven't blogged in the longest time, trying to adjust to my new schedule and all. I promise you that i will try my absolute hardest to try to blog at least once a week. and each post will be interesting. (if you don't think any of the past ones suite your taste, then let this alone-it's in your best interest) I promise to uphold my posts of positivity, upliftment and opinions.
Here are some recent events in my life:
1. i started kickboxing and it is my absolute new favoritest thing ever
2. i discovered canned orangina. oh it has changed my life! No more fear of breaking glass.
3. I'm really obsessed with TOMS
4. I'm looking forward to fall. everything about it!
5. I watched all 5 seasons of the office. it might just be a step above desperate housewives (and thats saying something)

That's just a few.

There have been some recent events that have made me realize some extremely important life lessons. We need bad things in our lives to appreciate the good. Death is a part of life whether we like it or not. I love absolutely everything no matter the size.
Okay, ill tell you whats up. My poor little gerbil (remmy) has either an ear infection or brain tumor and were hoping its number one. I just figured out her strange behaviors yesterday and took her to the vet today. intense. if i'm this emotionally unstable with a gerbil, i cant even comprehend how i'll be with anything bigger.

&

things always happen how they are supposed to.


much love,

j.

People, Life and pretty much everything else.

(me and kendra now on the infamous personal progress plaque)

The main reason for the creation of my blog over a year ago was to uplift and inform people about my life, and about how i feel. There are so many things i repeat and constantly include in my posts, mainly because of how important they are to me. I'd like to make this blog post an overall on everything. About how i feel, what i think you should know, and such. Like the majority of my posts, this will be a bit random, as my thoughts are.

1. You may not ever understand everyone and everything, but there is absolutely no reason to not try and see the best in every situation.

2. To find the highest level of happiness, you must put your feelings and time aside for everyone else. Charity is in fact not only the most rewarding act, but it is who you become.

3. There is never a good excuse to be insecure or down about yourself. There is always more good then bad, and never ever let anything negative about yourself stay in your mind. It is the biggest way to waste time.

4. There are always times where you will be sad and down, but don't linger. Lift up your head, distract yourself with the good and ride the bad times out in a constant attempt to stay positive.

5. Do what you love and let it be known. There are so many things that for awhile i hid from everyone else because they were 'not cool' to the majority of my social network. But honestly, since i've let it out what i love, i'm way more confident that i can love what i love and it's okay no matter what others think.

6. Love. love every moment, every person, everything. You will have so much more appreciation for everything and gratitude for your life and the way it is.

I love you. I really do. I have so much appreciation for every person in my life. I will always be there for you and i mean that. If you ever need someone to talk to, or to be there for you, i'm here. I want the best for you. I want you to have the life that you so greatly deserve.

much love,

j.

Busy is Best

I don't know how much you all care about my week, but here's the update. I guess this keeps me sane.

Sunday:
I took a five hour nap! I also took one saturday. But i didn't get any sleep all last week so it was much needed

Monday:
I woke up early to babysit and then went to work. Then after dinner i babysat again til about one in the morning.

Tuesday: I worked another full day and and worked out with my trainer after dinner, then of course hung out with kendra.

Wednesday: Again, i worked and after dinner went to football practice with kendra (she manages). This was probably the most relaxing day.

Thursday: Woke up really early to go to the beach, spent about seven hours there (which was absolutely amazing!!) and had an interesting ride home, which you can read about in the past post. [side note:burts bees has saved my sunburnt lips]

Friday: Woke up early to get a massage which was just what i needed. Met up with micah and kindra clemence and ate my FAVORITE pizza in the world (if you ever want to go out to eat with me in chapel hill i will definitely take you there...where? youll see) Then drove 1.5 hours to greensboro to see my friend eddie (i met him at design camp last week) we had a really good time going around in his town. But i forgot to take a picture! Don't worry, next time. Now, currently i am babysitting for some new people in town.

Saturday (which hasn't happened yet...): I'm waking up early to get a haircut (i'll definitely post a picture if it's good) then going to sugarland....and sadly school supplies shopping and babysitting again!

Yes, my week may not be busy compared to other people's normal lives but i absolutely love my time filled!

Things i've learned this week:
Patience is always, always necessary.
I am protected during everything i do, which always comforts my always paranoid self.
Life is absolutely amazing (okay i already knew that) but it always amazes me constantly. everything about it.
People are mandatory in everyone's lives. It's important to stay open minded, stand for yourself and learn to love everyone.


Man, i feel like my wall posts are so cliche. Let's hope there will be a good one soon. you didn't even get a picture! i'm sorry, i really am.

much love,

j.

oh what a day/cause i can

This is the first ever DOUBLE blogpost.

Oh what a day!

isn't that a song? (oops....close enough)

I know i've neglected blogging for awhile now, and for that i'm sorry. But today was CRAZY and i promise you in no way that i'm exaggerating about anything.
I went to the beach with my sister and some friends today. It was completely amazing until the drive home. My sister wanted me to drive the 2 hour plus drive home because she drove there. First of all, it was our van which i absolutely hate and after the first hour we drove into a freaking HURRICANE worth of a storm. Have you ever seen the movie Big Fish? (Here's the trailer, it's the only Tim Burton movie i like. hands down) So the storm was so bad that we had to pull over for awhile until i realized we would probably be there all night so i just drove super slow the rest of the way (including lots of moments of panic) We also almost ran out of gas (the empty light turned on!) Honestly, it was an extremely stressful ride home but i'm okay now and that's all that matters.

Cause I can!

I have been doing a lot of things lately with the constant excuse of "cause i can". For example last night i went to harris teeter super late with Kendra and bought a pack of cupcakes and a pint of ben & jerry's. Why? well cause i can! But seriously now, this has gotten out of control. I don't exactly understand why it's been my reasoning for everything. I think it's the fact that summer is fading away. But let's not expand on that quite yet because there's still time left!



This is the back view of my Michael Kors swimsuit i wore all day today. Imagine my awesome sunburn :)

Also, i just noticed i never capitalize my i's. Guess it's a trademark? Just like this...

Much love,

j.