the not-to-fear extraction

{this is my 200th post!!}

We all know that i am a constant nervous and anxious person. But, i am almost 2x worse than normal in situations such as surgeries, or just the idea of them. last night was somewhat intense. i couldnt sleep and i was fearing for the next day and what it would bring. its hard when you hear different sides to the same situation, and try to determine what you think your result will be. my overwhelming feeling was that i would be fine, some parts would hurt (that was a given) and that itll only be once in my life.

I woke up this morning surprisingly calm. i was trying to take everything minute by minute without freaking out more than i needed to. i was remembering all the advice given from others, and it helped. my dad drove me to the place and i walked in. the lady took me in to the room where the surgery would be. she gave me a blanket and told me everything that was going on. "this sticker is to monitor your heart, this clamp on your finger is to monitor your oxygen and this thing on your nose is to make you more calm". and it did. ohhhh it did. i didnt CARE about the IV sticking into my arm, which i was fearing the most.

I woke up in a different room than i fell asleep in and my dad was standing right next to me. they were giving him advice on how to take care of me-which i dont remember any of it now. He drove me home while i said stupid stuff and cried uncontrollably (they said that the fear i felt before the surgery, showed in full form after the surgery, even though i didnt feel the same)

I spent all day sleeping, only to wake up to change the bloody gauze and replace the packs of peas on my face.

Lets just say, it was sooo much better than i assumed. and i am incredibly grateful.

The weird side effects i experienced included:

-hearing people talking-that i knew werent there

-everytime i fell asleep i began dreaming almost instantly

-i saw double, but only on the ride home

-i had dreams about impractical stuff, like couches that couldnt be sat on.

-[i remember having a dream about a lady jumping off a stage into a pool.]

If i were to give any advice about this experience, for those who havent done it yet:

-honestly, dont freak out. it is unnecessary, as i learned.

-ask the people at the place any question you want. it helps.

-follow all the instructions they give you. itll make the experience a lot better.

-get the anti-nauseia anesthesia

-come to realize that some parts will hurt-no matter what, but its okay.

-believe the doctors and what they say (like "this stuff will help you calm down", it did)

-your face will be numb for the first couple hours after. and youll talk like a fool.

-keep your face almost constantly iced the first day-especially with a bag of peas.

-the taste of gauze and blood and numbness will go away, eventually.

-your emotions will be way off, and youll feel like youre overreacting to everything.

-take everything one step at a time, understanding and absorbing each minute.

-like my arm, your arm might bruise really bad from the IV.

In the picture above, you can see my puffy cheeks-although they are very slight due to all the icing i did. and you can see my band aid covering up the horrid IV bruise.

I am not 100% yet, but i am getting closer.

Trust the process.

much love,

j.