my name is

{spring break at the beach, cold night on the dock}

-My name is Jeanette Kosorok.

-i'm five one and a half.

-i call my brother in laws brothers my own.

-i could eat a whole watermelon.

-i cant stand messes.

-i dislike cats.

-i am a sucker for kids movies. ( and any movies)

-i'm not afraid to stand up for myself even if itll cause an awkward situation.

-my favorite flowers are peonies-pink ones.

-i am unhealthily addicted to reality tv, pink, online shopping and how things smell.

-i think everyone deserves the same amount of respect.

-i love women older than me who know it all and hangout with them like their my own age.

-i go to church every sunday.

-i am mormon.

-i am obsessed with organization and have my whole life planned out-fully aware that it could change any minute.

-i love hiking, and want to travel everywhere.

-i like watching basketball but hate playing it and hate watching football but love to play it.

-i remember everyone i've ever met, their names and the first time i met them.

-i never forget anyone.

-i want to be a fashion merchandiser and be among the elite in that field.

-it may look like i dont care about certain things or people but i do and i think about it constantly.

-id rather hangout with a group of boys than a group of girls.

-i kickbox. and probably tell everyone i could beat them up.

-i love looking at the stars.

-i'm a good teenager (and usually easy on my parents)

-i dont have a middle name.

-i am a sucker for sonic. and bk fries.

-i absolutely love fashion and labels.

-i save every card anyones given me. i love getting mail.

-i have an astoundingly deep love for the people i know.

-i play words with friends almost more than kendra does.

-i absolutely love cologne and perfume. mmm.

-i straighten my hair everyday and almost forgot i used to have such curly hair.

-it is currently 3:30 am and i cant stop thinking about this boy. that happens a lot.

-i could drink pina coladas and coca cola icees till the end of time.

-i absolutely love blogging. nothing is more of a refuge than this.

-i am constantly thinking about my future.

-i love long nightly phone calls and havent had one in awhile.

-i have an opinion on everything. everything.

-i think more than i should, overthinking about things that dont matter and think time doesnt go fast enough when im obsessed with something i want.

-im not afraid to love, but i am impatient.

-i dont want to get married until im 25 and hope to keep it that way.

-i want 3 kids. 2 boys and 1 girl.

-im aware im far from that point on my life and wont think about it till it comes (or not)

-im not afraid to admit that im not perfect.

-i dont get the sleep i need.

-my eating habits are unique.

-i hate eggs (or as i say "aigs")

-id rather be in the picture than take it.

-i am a daddys girl.

-my driving is-interesting. we wont get into that.

-i dislike those who are close minded, unloving and judgemental.

-i think that it doesnt matter where you came from, or where you are right now, just where youll go.

-my quote ill be known for when im famous is, "live in moderation except for love"

-i love symbolism and keep little things to remind me of people and places.

-i love my bed and dream about sleeping in it at school.

-i am a full believer of dream interpretation.

-in friendship i believe equality is important. if youre only always helping the other person with no return, its insincere.

-i am overly opinionated.

-i can spell really good.

-i wish everyone i loved was always in the same place.

-i miss the way things used to be, in some sense. except i love being tan and hope to stay that way.

-i wish my dads mom was still alive.

-i go into spazz attacks when i see messy things (an undeclared perfectionist)

-i love blue eyes. and deep brown ones.

-smiles are the most attractive feature. and there are some good ones in the world.

-i want a pig. named moo.

-i have one older sister, jessica. and our dad still mixes our names up everyday.

-my favorite songs today are: blinded-third eye blind, hold you in my arms-ray lamontagne & iris-the goo goo dolls.

-i am an overly affectionate person and hug a lot.

-i love laughing, and maybe laugh too much.

-i love cars and know a lot about them-almost as much as most boys.

-i love wearing heels and wedges.

-i think i should be more helpful, volunteering and available to help any cause.

I am Jeanette Kosorok. and i'm not changing myself for anyone.

an ordinary extraordinary day

i woke up this morning like every sunday. an hour before church. i got ready and ran out the door holding my shoes. normal church service began. but when people began to share their testimonies and feelings, i got this gigantic wave of comfort. i knew i was where i was supposed to be and that i needed to hear this. i hadnt felt that spiritually full since last summer. although efy last year was incredibly emotionally draining (oof) but the spirit was the same.

my kids. william, hunter, elizabeth, skyler, evan, lydia, eloise and guy.

whenever i teach them, especially today, it is amazing. through their random comments and disruptive actions, they know whats right. they may be 5 but they have been built up with the most perfect foundation. i have no other feeling but love when im around them.

i learned the hugest lesson in my life today. i need the church in my life wherever i am. i cannot have it away from me. it is the best support system, the best upliftment and unlike anything else on this earth.

mormon.org

much love,

j.

my oyster

i have always had an enormous desire to travel. there is SO MUCH out there i havent seen yet. america is nothing against the entire world. i have only been to france and the bahamas (outside of america) and hopefully all these pictures of these countries will soon be taken by me.

Here's my to-go list:


turkey


tokyo, japan

st barts

new zealand

jamaica

italy

india

greece

United Kingdom

belize

australia

africa

where have you been?

much love,

j.

endings

hey guess what. if you DIDNT know already i am graduating highschool in a few short days.

in every.single.ending, there is a beginning.

i am ending my 13 years in public school and entering my 4 years of private college. there are so many things about to happen. im feeling every emotion at once. but im ready. its time to branch out into a new way of life.

as most married people do, they usually meet in college. oof. now, marriage is a huge huge deal. and it could be coming up soon. although i hopefully plan for it in 7 years (25 years old sounds about right) but i never know.

you can make all the plans you want in the world but NONE of them are for certain. everything is variable. life is unpredictable. so plan to be flexible, open-minded and ready.

keep reading to be kept updated on my life. follow me into my vast open and uncertain future. i will continue to blog. and let you in on my life experiences.

to you my loyal blog-reader, read. set. let's go.

much love,

j.

one of those days

Disclaimer: I wrote this post awhile ago and finally finalized it, also, the feelings expressed in this have changed, but for some reason i feel like i need to post it.





Ever feel like no matter how many people are around you or all the things youre doing, that you still feel utterly alone?

No one of my friends believe it. Mainly because i dont show it. I have a hard happy shell.

I dont know why i feel alone. im not ungrateful i just havent quite diagnosed it yet. It might be because im not used to not having nightly phone calls.
or im still incredibly nervous about college.
or because i never sleep anymore. ever.
or because i choose to be negative at some times.
or possibly because i am alone.

i would never want to depend on other people for my own happiness. although i might not want to admit the truth. depending on others is a sign of weakness. i dont want to be weak.

for the moment i will prescribe this. 1 daily dose of me time. or maybe more. and much more sleep. and positivity and open minded-ness.

lifetime full of refills.

although for most things you should take initiative to make things happen, for some, just ride the wave of life, and eventually youll come up on the shore of a beautiful tropical island. full of pina coladas and everything good.


much love,


j.

the wrong advice

It is really hard to accept and understand advice someone gives you when you know it wont help. If youre grieving, someone telling you to move on doesnt help. Youll move on in your own time healthily or unhealthily. You want advice about the now. Something that will help you at the moment, which will eventually lead to a better future. Right now i hear a lot of stuff, that although im grateful for it, it doesnt sound quite right. It might be my own interpretation and ignorance though.

A song full of emotion and perfect for times of stress: Alibi by David Gray

Feel better. Sometimes only time will fade some emotions while better ones make their debut.

You got this.

and hopefully i do too.


Much love,


j.

a permanent place

A home is a place full of love. a place of safety and refuge.

I have spent all night and today feeling violated. my respect, home, and feelings were busted down and torn apart.

A situation was taken completely out of hand and i was left to defend myself and stand my ground constantly until it went away.

Im writing this in school. unable to get my mind off this haunting event. the feeling im left with has nothing to do with the real issue, but of the people who chose to make a drastic, unrelated issue. i dont care about the friendship, or the people or the real situation. I care about how incredibly ridiculous they chose to be. i decided after they left i wouldnt speak of the issue ever again. its over. except in my mind. im left with fear, increase in anxiety and worry. if people have the decency to come into my home, and act the way they did toward me and my parents, they are nothing but garbage. i knew i was right. i never went that far with them, i yelled to make my point, and i kept to what i knew was right.

the repeated words echo in my head during everything i do. i feel sunken. this was the definition of overreaction and disrespect. i couldnt sleep last night scared they would come again.

you cannot control what people do, how they choose to treat you, but you have no wrong in sticking to what you know is right. it was hard and they pushed me to the ground, but i was still there, and i still got what i wanted. i'm not saying that i was completely "right" but i knew that them trying to force me into changing my opinion didnt mean i had to.

the result was fair, legal and i have realized who really matters in my life, the kind of respect i should expect from friends, the people i should let through my door and that,

no matter the issue. stand. stand where you are and dont move. the impossible was possible. i defied the power i thought i possessed. and hopefully, this will never

ever happen again.

much love,

j.

there we go

I have been tied down by something for almost a year now. Something that has consumed me and brought me down constantly. not a person, or a place, but a feeling. a feeling i felt almost everywhere. and suddenly today, i got this sudden upliftment. upliftment that all i was worried about, and cared about, wasnt worth anything. and i could finally let it go. and i did.
I feel new found purpose. new hope. new importance. at just the perfect time for this place in my life, for my new beginning. my new venture off into the college world.

it feels oh so good to finally let something go. to finally leave something that was never good and hopeful in the first place. this weight is lifted. lifted so high itll never come down.

this may sound completely ridiculous, but the past couple of weeks i have felt a completely new view on life. that my frontal lobe finally developed. i dont care about things that dont matter and i wont let anyone bring me down. nothing effects me like it used to. worries that used to worry me worry me no more. i must always be prepared for anything. i must always be acting the best way, for anything. who knows who i'll meet in college. who knows how ill do and whatll happen, but i know itll be good.

this time is a time of endings. ending public school. ending home life. ending that burden that wore me down. ending of the old jeanette.

and onto the new venture. the new home. the new life.

but the same me.



much love,



j.

my ultimate favorites

it took me about a year to make this list.

color: pink (duh)
gum: trident cool colada
shoes: tory burch flats, jellies
fabric: velour & tulle
brand: juicy
lip gloss: dior maximized and twisted peppermint
chapstick: burts
season: winter when its summer, summer when its winter
scent: cinnamon, the body shop
car: mazeratis, audi & aston martins
candy: mike and ikes and krabby patties
chocolate: godiva
book: the last lecture by randy pausch
animal: pigs and baby hippos
soda: coke zero and dr pepper
jewelry: necklaces and bracelets
day: wednesday
grocery store: southern seasons
cheese: chavrie
furniture brand: tulix and crate & barrel
arist: photo realism
magazine: vogue and martha stewart living
place: charleston
water: fiji
pillow: super puffy
celebrity: james franco, reese witherspoon & zach galifinakis
high-end brand: chanel
metal: platinum
print: stripes, lilly pullitzer
toilet paper: cottonelle
design element: silhouette
photography: black and white
eye color: bright blue
food: cupcake
color scheme: neon or burgundy/navy
movie: hot rod, hangover and despicable me
educational subject: anatomy
fruit: pomegranate
emotion: excited
class: apparel developement
nature: hiking
sport: kickboxing
cake: red velvet
clothing color: grey
tv show: desperate housewives
nail polish: o.p.i.
major: fashion merchandising
kids book: olivia
future career: j. crew fashion merchandiser

obviously theres more. but this is a lot.


much love,


j.

a gloomy duration

I found out at the doctor's yesterday that i have anxiety. and its bad. and i dont like it. and it came about at such a rough and critical time.
I created this blog to be completely honest [almost] about my life. yesterday i typed how i felt up on my phone whilst i was in the incredibly unfriendly 'exam room'.

"i have no person to vent to. no outlet. no refuge. i currently live in a world of go go go and nothings ever finished before the next thing comes. every day is a bad day. every day i wake up sick and every night i cant sleep. i feel no purpose. no one ever reassures me anything. if i ever come to what feels like the end, its never good enough. there is no praise for any good deed."

just remember that at the time i was really emotionally beat down and incredibly exhausted. my attitude today is almost incredibly different.

itll get better. life will get calmer. and good things will come.

i have a lot to look forward to. even though itll come about almost for certainly chaotically.

much love,

j.