Tuesday, December 20, 2011

a day's success

{kaylee baby and me at the beach}
Today i,

fed the fish
did laundry (3 loads!)
cleaned my room (A LOT)
reorganized my clothing (drawers and closet)
started packing
went to both classes
got about 7 hours of sleep
ate 2 meals (healthy too, in fact)
woke up in time for class & showered
took out alllll the trash
made my bed
wrote an essay & did all my homework
spent time with the roomie (watching our nature shows)
hungout with friends
& didn't spend ANY money

i think that's ridiculously successful for one day.

much love,


Friday, December 16, 2011

a year ago

I tend to reminisce a year ago from any point in my life i'm at. I found several images that were huge parts of my year almost exactly a year ago.

It snowed!

My gerbil Olivia died.

I watched my dad play black ops.

I became obsessed with Despicable Me

I started teaching primary with Kendra

We discovered Tim Tam-ing

beautiful, perfect Rosalyn was born

I got toe socks from my brother Ben

I got accepted to Johnson & Wales, along with a scholarship (I got even more after)

I tried to bargain

I made cupcakes with Mary Blakely

And she gave me an incredibly meaningful gift

I loved on Ros

Got perfect gifts from Michael and Devon

My sister got married to Matt!

I dyed part of my hair pink

We drove up to DC for the wedding

The day rosalyn was born

It snowed!

I made a peanut nativity.

I can't wait until i can reminisce in a year.

How was your life last december?

much love,


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

the rules of stress

{taken with my new camera on my way back to campus}

Last night i couldn't sleep because i was stressed. I was stressed over cleaning my car. cleaning the windows in my room. re-hanging the fallen puffs, remembering to shave my legs, and buying milk.

all of those things, are almost nothing to worry about. why would i become sleepless over them?

as i was showering after class today, i realized that there must be some "rules of being stressed" like, what is worth being stressed over, and the intensity of stress.

i was obviously breaking the rules.

i am still trying to pin point the reason i am stressed over pointless things.

is it because my life is so easy that what i am stressing over is not worth it?

or is my dumb stress covering something that i am unaware of that is stressing me out?

whatever it is,

i dont think there are any rules for anything to be unworthy or worthy of stressing over.

it is all choice.

i choose to be stressed over dumb things which is complicating my life,
but that is my decision.

and hopefully i'll get over it.

much love,


Friday, November 18, 2011


{taken at the beginning of a momentous day}

On nights that i stay up incredibly late and alone, i have too much time to think.

in the past 5 hours i have re-evaluated my life and what i want.

(music, is magic. it can relate to how you feel when words can't.)

college has brought with it lots of contemplation. not bad, but just things i've never thought about.

how i viewed the world before, and how i view it now is much different.

i am stuck in a place where,

my mistakes won't leave me alone and all the people i've hurt never leave my mind.

i want to be the person i'm not, or that i'm not yet to.

i want to be more. i want to do more. i just dont know how.

but, like every emotion, it changes and life goes on getting better and better.

i am currently under construction. so follow the caution signs and know that soon, it will be smoother, newer and better.

much love,


Monday, November 14, 2011


It is exactly 5:00 am. I can't sleep because i accidentally took a 7 hour nap.

In the past couple of days i have gone through too much than i could handle. it is the perfect timing for a break from school. only 4 days left until i see my parents and friends. and only 10 days until my birthday.

19 will be such an odd age.

I just found two of the most amazing songs.

YOU KNOW that feeling you get when you hear a really really good song for the first time? I felt that with both of these.


every teardrop is a waterfall-coldplay

just give both of them a chance and maybe youll feel like i did.

every single person experiences struggles of all sorts throughout their lives and it seems that they all can happen at once. i am amazed and still in shock of all the crazy, intense and dramatic past couple of days.

this week is finals. i only have 3, and i am not too worried considering how well i understand each subject. but dont worry, ill study.

15 things on my mind
1. i love hearing the train pass at night (and throughout the day)
2. i miss a dear friend more than ever right now, and i won't see him for quite some time
3. it feels really refreshing to do the right thing, even if its difficult
4. i am in love with my new roommate and suitemates (i moved)
5. i am impatient to grow my hair out really really long
6. although i would love to mend every broken friendship, sometimes you just have to move on
7. cook out corn dogs are the best. just ask the people i've converted
8. confrontation is much easier in the long run than avoiding
9. christmas is just too commercialized these days
10. sadly, every year i get less and less excited about my birthday
11. i absolutely have love for everyone, although i dont always show it
12. listen to the simple things-ellery.
13. i keep having incredibly vivid dreams that confuse me with reality. ahh!
14. i dont know if its because i'm up late, but music is absolutely amazing
15. no matter what point in your life you are at, you can change for the better

much love,


Sunday, November 6, 2011


{a perk of living alone}

i hate hate hate doing this to you, but i'm going to be honest with you with whats on my mind.

i have probably gotten about 16 hours of sleep this weekend, its not that i am being irresponsible, but because i am heartbroken.

i am doing incredibly well in school, which is something i am going to keep up no matter whats going on.

i just am sick of feeling this way and hopefully itll go away soon. i know what will fix it, but it is most likely not going to happen and its nothing i can help.

i could go on and on but i can't bring you down anymore.

i got this, i promise.

i just need time, and an insane amount of luck.

much love,


Tuesday, November 1, 2011


almost everyday i look at myself and find something that i would change.
it is usually the same things.
i dont know why i do it, but i know that other people do it too,
not using that as an excuse.
depending on who's in my life and what i fill my days with,
depends on how harshly i criticize myself.

i dont hate myself, but i think i'm far from perfect.

i'm only admitting this because it has overwhelmed me today.
it's almost nothing physical today, but personality wise.

i find many flaws in the way that i carry myself around others.
but i love every single one of them unconditionally.
i find good in everyone.
absolutely all of them.
because i let out all of the hate on myself.

jeanette: there is so much behind the 8 letters.

much love,


Monday, October 24, 2011

beyond the sickness

{belly, bean & mini}

so many amazing people have come into my life since college.

all of them i love and appreciate a bunch.

currently i am sick. had the beginning stages of strep, but they went away and i think i am already recovering. slowly.

last night i had a dream. i had just gotten cancer and i had to take a term off. first off, that would be incredibly depressing. but, my friends visited the hospital. all of them. almost everyday. it was amazing. it made me realize that if anything bad happened, i know they'd be there.

i am currently filling my days up with making spontaneous decisions, listening to bon iver, sleeping way too much or not enough, going to class, laying in my bed watching movies, etc etc.

i have never really been close to being sad in such a long time because i am filled with so much around me to love.

much love,


Saturday, October 15, 2011

nothing like it

When i grew up, I slept almost every night in my bed. besides the occasional sleepover. i took it for granted. i took everything about home for granted. and since i've been away living in a tiny facility whilst broadening my view and education of the world, i've missed my home.

As i lay in my bed, my own bed, i remember dreaming about it during school. {during the rough days, i couldn't wait until i got home to nap in my bed} at the time, high school was the the highest point in my life. i was the most happy. then college came along. and the happiness i experienced has exploded with potential i never thought existed. i am so in love with it there.

the people.
my classes.
the city.
my life.

everything about it, i love.

although everything in my life seems full,

i still, and always will have room for my home. and my family.

home, and everything in it, is my personal refuge.

much love,


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

in the bleak

look at these two perfect girls. i'm the luckiest.

Today was incredibly gloomy. The sky was a mysterious grey and rain and mist came down non stop all day. It has made everyone in a bad mood.

I woke up 1.5 hours before my only class today. I wish i stayed in bed all day. with my two, watching movies one after the other. but instead i went to class.

At the moment i am repeating your rocky spine by the great lake swimmers. Absolute perfection. It puts me in this new place that is not one bit dismal.

I am blogging in part to delay my homework. it seems so unappetizing at the moment.

A couple things...

Thanks Avery for going with me to the store. Best part of my day. goofball.

& HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY to my oldest and only sister, Jessica. Wish we could go out and celebrate together. Seems like it will be forever until that happens again, the pains of getting older. Love you bunches. Wish I could've bought those M&M's with our faces on them. The mail is bringing something else though....

whenever a day is a bad one, remember that everyday you wake up, it will be farther in the past. it always gets better. and it always goes on.

Much love,


Friday, September 30, 2011

coll in a nut

{tonight at the sock party}

Here's an abbrev. of my college experience so far

-abbreviating everything (thanks to amy) like the title, which is an abbreviation for college in a nutshell
-having avery make me ramen almost every night
-having way too many people be in our room at a time
-laying out in the quad on my quilt at night waiting for everyone to get back from the parties
-heming/fixing everyone's stuff
-walking in the city constantly, especially to harris teeter and cvs
-putting on bummy clothes the second i get out of class
-freaking out and cleaning my room in every way
-seeing lion king in 3D and crying the whole time
-making new friends almost everyday
-never taking enough pictures
-making my bed atleast 3 times a day
-watching movies almost 24/7
-getting incredibly good grades on everything
-getting woken up everyday by friends/kelly
-never having enough of amy and kelly
-loving everyone and everything

still and always will be in love with college

much love,


Monday, September 19, 2011

ridiculous injuries

I have gotten some ridiculous injuries lately. ridiculous. and they seemed to happen all at the same time.

The first "injury" i got was tendonitis in both my left wrist and ankle. no idea how i got it, but it was really obnoxious.

The second, and most dramatic, is my finger. I was on my friends bed, and wanted to jump onto my friend ethan's bed. he had just opened an otter pop and there were scissors laying on his bed, opened. I jumped onto the bed and my hand landed on the scissors. my finger got a cut right across the knuckle. i cried a lot, but only because it was the "last straw" to a bad day. i'm okay now.

Yesterday, my friend amy rolled over my big toe twice with my rolly chair. it has a bruised cut on it. It hurts pretty bad too.

I also burned my thumb recently while playing with a lighter.

Seriously hope all these random incidents don't get any worse.

much love,


Friday, September 16, 2011

why college makes my heart full

So many things have happened and have been experienced since i left for college on the 2nd.
it has almost been two weeks.
two amazingly full weeks.

i have felt an incredible amount of emotion in every aspect, and it has made me realize some very important things.
1. i am completely fine the way i am
2. absolutely everyone deserves love and attention
3. sleep is overrated
4. good friends are incredibly important (and i have found so many!)
5. this is the best part of my life so far
6. dont jump and land on scissors. it will end in a night full of tears.

{me, with kelly and amy}

{me and ames}

{me, kelly, amy and danielle}

{andrew, ames, me and deshawn}

i want to name absolutely all of the amazing people i have gotten to know, but that would take so long. and i would fear to leave someone out. but, you know who you are. and you mean so so so much to me.

i love you all! especially all of those i left at home. i miss you, but i am happy! no worries!

much love,


Saturday, September 3, 2011

6 reasons why i love college

Here are 6 reasons why i love my dorm:

me, kelly and amy's heights

the OTHER room

our growing quotes in the toilet room. with a mustache on the mirror

my food stash

THE most amazing chair. goes about 25 mph down the hallway.

and my ridiculously comfy bed.


much love,


Saturday, August 27, 2011

the power of a photograph

This picture was taken awhile ago, feel free to try to figure out where.
But, it's kind of my secret.

Pictures are incredible.
They create this effect, where your mind goes back to when it was taken.

I tend to take hundreds of photographs for everything I do.
Only because I know that someday, I will be so grateful to myself for capturing all of what I did.

Heading off in five days,

until then,


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

i really want to

{me grilling hot dogs because sometimes i like to pretend like i know what im doing, except i actually did grill those and they didnt taste too bad}

I really wanted to write an awesome post, because the one i wrote before this is just kind of pitiful. but all that comes to mind is random things, so here it goes.

I am really into tim mcgraw and fishing right now. and no, i dont think its a phase. i think i just never gave either of them a chance and now that i finally have, i am embracing them both (i've spent the past week listening to a tim mcgraw pandora playlist and i love all of his songs. all of them)

I finally finally got my lexapro. i took it for the first time last night. i think i feel the difference already. during lunch today i was about to freak out, and then i didn't, so thats a good sign. but, i think it makes me ridiculously tired because i could NOT wake up this morning.

I learned that i can take my hello kitty toaster to college, which is amazing!

Speaking of college (which EVERYONE UNDER THE SUN asks me about all the time, and no i'm not leaving until the 2nd) I kind of wish i was already there. I was so bored last night i started packing. I just need it now.

I found a cure for my feeling-faint everyday. blue gatorade. and i could drink it every.day. (get some)

things ive learned in the past few days:
-i can't not ever get a teacup pig. i would miss out on so much happiness.
-if you stick a raisin in water, itll become a grape again
-YSA is actually amazing, and ill miss everyone in it here.
-tim mcgraw and faith hill are married!

also, i had a dream last night that i was in solitary confinement. and i was trying my hardest to talk to people in the other cells. what does that mean??

if youre having a bad day, listen to this.

basically the days leading up to college will consist of working, stumbleuponing, packing, and dreaming of charlotte. all my friends already left so it feels incredibly lonely.

i'll be okay. it always gets better.

much love,


Sunday, August 21, 2011

some things i can't live without

besides the obvious essentials and needs,

i bring to you my short list of some of the things i can't live without:

1. Cool Blue flavored Gaterade.
2. Victoria Secret's PINK.
3. Magnum icecream bars.
4. nerf guns (especially wars with my dad)
5. fishing (my new found hobby)
6. stumbleupon
7. perfume (or atleast smelling good)
8. nature
9. music
10. the gospel.

Friday, August 19, 2011

my little, mighty hero

This picture may be blurred, but it means so much to me.
I have babysat for lucy and her siblings (seth, hazel and avery) many times.
i absolutely love the mangum family.
every single one of them,
but what happened to lucy, and how she responded is absolutely inspiring.
if i were bitten by a shark, i would most likely be afraid of the ocean,
and be absolutely distressed. but not lucy. not one bit.
the second i walked into the door she was exuberant and i would've never suspected anything happened besides her hopping around and me already knowing the story.

i got about 3 minutes alone to talk to lucy amongst the chaos and excitement.
i could tell she was already sick of talking about sharks,
but she was patient with my questions,
"what did you think of when you got bit?"
"did you know i saw you on tv?"
"did you know that im extremely proud of you?"

visiting was just what i needed. i wanted lucy to know that i was yet another person that was so incredibly proud and amazed by her. and i always will be.

i am so happy i got to see the kiddos and jordan one last time before college.

lucy in extremely good spirits

me and jordan

me and kendra with all the kiddies

hazel combing my hair

not many people are like lucy,
especially not me.
little kids teach us more than we know.
especially the ones who go through experiences we'll never go through.
and react a lot better than we ever would.

much love,


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

the smell of something new

{my wall collection of labels}

i love new smell.
it always seems to capture the immense potential that something has.

a new home,
shoes in the box,
clothing with tags,
plastic sealed,
an unopened can of dr pepper or

when something is new, it has its purpose, but you never know the extent of the potential it contains, how immensely it will impact the world and how it will so dramatically effect you.

sometimes things may be not new or old, but they are new to you. like people. but, they have the most dramatic effect on everything else in the world.

and especially me.

much love,